He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
