Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
