..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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