I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
