i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
