I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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