Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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