when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
