Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
