HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
