i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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