how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
