Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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