Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
