Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
