Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
