got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
