I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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