I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize