Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
