hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
