kristin has been a bad kristin
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
