I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
