I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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