you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize