If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
