my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
