Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
