too bad you live with your parents still
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
