Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
