we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
