wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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