The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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