wake up i wanna do it froggy style
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
