How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize