I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize