what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
