it was like eating out sand paper
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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