TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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