I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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