she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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