I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
