That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
