I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
