my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
