apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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