You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The adults are the big ones right?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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