please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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