I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
