oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
