So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
