plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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