I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
