This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
