people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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