ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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