Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
