is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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