You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
