her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
