yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
