i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
