tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
