We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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