im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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