I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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