I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
