hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
