foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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