Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
