Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize