What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
