i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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