OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
