Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
