I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
