two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
