6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
