filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
