Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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