I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
