he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
