im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
