Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
