So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
