So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
