I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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