i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
