dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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