I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
