Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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