I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
