Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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